By Susan Jeffers –
Excerpts from the book:
p.3 “Fear seems to be epidemic in our society.”
p.4 “Fear is primarily an educational problem.”
p.6 “Many of us short-circuit our living by choosing the path that is the most comfortable.”
p.11 We are all trying to do the best we can and are all uncertain about whether we’re good enough. It never varies.
p.13 “The common denominator is the fact that fear is keeping all of [us] from experiencing life the way they want to experience it.”
p.13-16 Fear can be broken down into 3 levels:
- The surface story (2 types)
- Those that happened
- Those that require action
- Involve the ego and inner states of mind, not exterior situations
- “At the bottom of every one of your fears is simply the fear that you can’t handle whatever life may bring you.”
** p.16 “You can handle all your fears without having to control anything in the outside world.”
p.16-17 “Some fear is instinctual and healthy and keeps us alert to trouble. The part that holds us back from personal growth is inappropriate and destructive and could possibly be blamed on our conditioning.”
p.17 Society ‘tells’ us to err on the side of caution to protect ourselves more than to protect others.
p.21 “The logic a person uses can automatically program him/herself for failure.” p. 21
** p.22-28 5 truths about fear:
- “The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.”
- “The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.”
- “What really made the difference was the sense of accomplishment I felt in pushing through fear and doing things on my own.”
- “The more helpless we feel, the more severe is the undercurrent of dread that comes with knowing there are situations in life over which we have no control.”
- “The only way to feel better about myself is to go out and do it.”
- “Not only am I going to experience fear whenever I’m on unfamiliar territory, but so is everyone else.”
- “Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.”
p.27 “Retraining faulty thinking takes constant repetition.”
p.29 “We can’t escape fear.”
p.33 “The real issue has nothing to do with the fear itself, but, rather, how we hold the fear.” Some hold their fear from a position of power while others hold it from a position of pain.
p.34 Power within the self is not egomania, but a healthy self-love.
p.35 “It’s the ability to get yourself to do what you want to do.”
p.35 Women are more put off than men are by the concept of power because they have been conditioned to believe that to be powerful is unfeminine and unattractive.
p.35 “The truth is that love and power go together.”
p.36 **“Much of the trick of moving from pain to power is taking action.”
p.37 “Awareness is half the battle.”
p.37 “You can drop an awful lot of excess baggage if you learn to play with life instead of fighting it.”
p.37 “If you keep in mind the direction you want to go, it will help you make decisions about what you are doing in your life.”
p.38 “To be really powerful, you need to be in charge of all aspects of your life. Often people are very powerful in some parts of their lives and pathetic in others.”
p.38 “In the beginning, you need all the gimmicks you can get to remind you of where you want to go.”
p.39 “The way you use words has a tremendous impact on the quality of your life.”
p.39 “Your subconscious believes only what it hears, not what is true.”
p.40 “It is always better to take responsibility for whatever happens to you in life than always to be the victim.”
p.43 “The more powerfully you speak, the more you will be a force in the world around you.”
p.43 “You can bring more power into your life by expanding your comfort zone.”
p.49 “So many of us think we are taking responsibility for our own lives when we simply are not. The ‘victim’ mentality is very subtle and takes many forms.”
p.50 When you give away your power, you become paralyzed in your attempts to deal with fear.
p.52-63 7 definitions of taking responsibility:
“Taking responsibility means…
- never blaming anyone else for anything you are being, doing, having or feeling.”
- not blaming yourself.”
- being aware of where and when you are not taking responsibility so that you can eventually change.” “Anger is your clue that you are not taking responsibility.”
- handling the Chatterbox. It’s the voice that heralds doom, lack and losing.”
- being aware of payoffs that keep you ‘stuck.’ Payoffs explain why we choose to perpetuate what we don’t want in our lives.
- figuring out what you want in life and acting on it.” “You have the power to create what you need.”
- being aware of the multitude of choices you have in any given situation.”
p.65-67 6 exercises to help you feel noticeably more powerful in the face of your fears:
- “List all the payoffs you get from staying stuck in some aspect of your life.”
- “Be aware of all the options you have during the course of a given day.”
- “Start noticing what you say in conversations with friends.”
- “In a notebook, list the many choices available to you that can change presently upsetting experiences into positive ones. “The key is not to blame others for your being upset.”
- “Begin to look at the gifts you have received from what you have always looked at as a ‘bad’ situation.”
- “See if you can go one week without criticizing anyone or complaining about anything.”
**p.72 “Positive thinking is one of the most difficult of all concepts to get across to people.”
p.72 “There is an automatic assumption that negative is realistic and positive is unrealistic.”
**p.72 “It is reported that over 90% of what we worry about never happens.”
p.73 “Nothing is realistic or unrealistic—there is only what we think about any given situation. We create our own reality.”
p.75 “Positive words make us physically strong; negative words make us physically weak.”
p.76 “Negative thoughts take away your power and thus make you more paralyzed from your fear.”
p.78-80 6 tools to make your daily routine more efficient and more pleasurable:
- A small portable cassette player
- Inspirational tapes
- Inspirational books
- Index cards
- Positive quotes
- Affirmations—a positive statement that something is already happening.
- Always state affirmations in the present
- Always phrase affirmations in the positive
p.80 “Outtalk your negativity.”
p.85 “Positive thinking needs daily practice.”
p.85 **“Positive thinking in its most constructive form does not deny the pain and suffering that exist in this world.”
p.86 Denial and hopelessness create inactivity.
p.86 “The key is to know that you can lead a productive and meaningful life no matter what the external circumstances are.”
p.90 “It is amazingly empowering to have the support of a strong, motivated and inspirational group of people.”
p.90 “Negativity is contagious.”
p.92 “Life becomes more fun and less of a struggle when you don’t have to pioneer on your own.”
p.94 “What we resist, persists.”
p.104 “When you rock the boat, someone will tell you to sit down. It is their way of defending their security.”
**p.116-117 “Underlying all our fears is a lack of trust in ourselves.”
p.118 “The knowledge that you can handle anything that comes your way is the key to allowing yourself to take risks.”
**p.118 “Security is not having things; it’s handling things.”
p.119-124 Before making a decision:
- “Affirm to yourself, I can’t lose—regardless of the outcome of the decision I make.”
- “Do your homework.”
- “Establish your priorities.”
- “Trust your impulses.”
- “There was no right or wrong decision, just different ones.
- “The trick is simply to make whatever place you’re in your educational forum and learn everything you can about yourself and the world around your.”
- “Lighten up.”
p.124-125 After making a decision:
- “Throw away your picture.”
- “Accept total responsibility for your decisions.”
- “Don’t protect, correct.”
- When you take responsibility for your decisions, you become a lot less angry at the world, and, most important, a lot less angry at yourself.
p.127 “The trick in life is not to worry about making a wrong decision; it’s learning when to correct!”
p.127 “The two most obvious clues are confusion and dissatisfaction.”
p.141 “Act as if you really count.”
p.142 “Participating 100% eliminates boredom.”
p.146 “Action is the key to your success.”
p.154 “Saying yes means letting go of resistance and letting in the possibilities that our universe offers in new ways of seeing the world.”
p.154 Saying yes is the miracle tool for dealing with our deepest, darkest fears.
p.155 “With a positive attitude, value can be created from anything that happens to you in life.”
p.158 “Acknowledgement of pain is very important.”
p.160 Those who withdraw from life, choose symbolically to hide under the covers to keep themselves from becoming victims—ironically, end up complete victims of their own fears.
**p.161 “The last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.” Victor Frankl
p.162 “It is only when we see possibility for change that we can work to effect change.”
p.162 “Saying yes means getting up and acting on your belief that you can create meaning and purpose in whatever life hands you.”
p.163-164 5 steps to saying yes:
- “Create awareness that you are saying no.”
- “There is something about physically affirming an idea that helps to create acceptance.”
- “Physically relax your body.”
- “Look for ways to create value from any experience.”
- “Be patient with yourself.”
p.170 “Most of us in our society do not really know how to give.”
- p.174 “It’s easy to give when you feel abundantly endowed, but you only feel that way when you give, not before!” Give away thanks. Give away information. Give away praise.
- Give away time. Give away money. Give away love
p.178 “So much of what we learn in life comes to us with great difficulty.”
p.179 “You must become what you want to attract.”
p.182 Act as if you do count.
**p.184 “You can love only in proportion to your capacity for independence. To love is to be able to give.”
p.184 “Your life is already abundant. You simply haven’t noticed it.”
p.200 “Positive self-talk works even if you don’t believe it initially.”
p.213 “The biggest pitfall as you make your way through life is impatience.”
p.214 “Patience means knowing it will happen and giving it time to happen.”
p.215 “Trust your feelings.”
p.217 “Experience is our greatest teacher.”
p.219 “To become involved is to reduce our fear.”
Chelsea Detrick